We BELIEVE!
Make sure you sign your location with your post so Taylor can see all the people ALL OVER THE WORLD who BELIEVE!
The owner of this guestbook has (temporarily) disabled adding new messages.
-
6:30am 12-26-2011J.
-
I'm on the road and not on a real computer right now, so I haven't updated the blog, but I have been reading all of these posts and my heart is hurting for all of you. I really don't think Taylor has any idea just how much she is loved by so many people.
I wasn't going to share this... But since the moment has been analyzes to pieces, I feel like I should. After she lunged at me in the giant hug, she cried really hard and in the midst of that she sobbed "I'm sorry" (which I took as an apology for her being mean to me) "I couldn't have gotten through any of this without you.". Which I told her was crazy, because she was the crazy strongest person I knew.
But yeah... She is broken. I have been in text contact with her over the past couple of days. She left Nashville for Christmas... I don't know where she went but I presume she and her snuggie are sleeping in her car again. Please .pray she comes back to me safely.
-
12:18am 12-26-2011Meghan
-
I made a long Christmas road trip, so I had a lot of time to think...and I'd say about 95% of my thoughts centered around Taylor (like Katie said, she would've been totally mortified). I thought a lot about the last few blog entries I've read on here and how angry I am that all of this is going on and that she's in such a bad place mentally, emotionally, spiritually, whatever. I thought about how sad and scared it makes me that the toughest, most stoic, and rock-solid person I know, is completely falling apart. But then I also thought about how absolutely incredible it is that it didn't happen sooner. I thought a lot about the last entry, in particular, and every single one of those things Katie mentioned on here totally went through my mind before I ever read what she wrote. I thought about my initial reaction to her diagnosis and how I cried like an idiot while she held my hand and told me it was all going to be ok. Just like she did pretty much any other time I saw her over the last however many years. That's ridiculous. It should've been the other way around. And I'm pissed that someone never slapped me or told me to suck it up and pull it freaking together. It also made me think about just how clueless we ALL have been. Like.......totally and completely clueless. Or maybe just blissfully ignorant. Maybe both. I'm not sure. Either way, there's no excuse. I remember reading something on here...either in a blog entry or in the guestbook...that said something like, "when someone pushes you away, that's often the time when they need you the most." Taylor pushed and pushed and pushed and did everything she could to protect us and to shield us from the pain and scariness and to keep us separate from her cancer world..and no one ever pushed back. We just let her do it. She needed friends more than anything and she needed an ear and she needed a shoulder, but she didn't want us to be sad or scared and I feel like if she did have thoughts about not pursuing treatment from the get-go or stopping it once she had started, she didn't want to tell us because she probably felt like she'd be letting us down. That's just how she is. She never, ever, ever, ever wants to let anyone down. And we all know that. And I think at various points, we probably recognized that. But we still.didn't.do.anything. There still wasn't anyone who pushed back. And now here we are. She has completely fallen apart. And she has completely shut the world out...quite possibly for good this time and wants absolutely nothing to do with us. And we have no one to blame for it but ourselves. I feel like the one bright spot in all of this, was that you, Joyce, came along and did push back. When I was reading that last blog post and you talked about how Taylor was totally doing everything she could to push you away and was saying all that stuff, but that you stood your ground and dished it right back, I was like "YEAH!!! GO GO GO!" like I was watching football or something, lol. And then my heart proceeded to simultaneously break and burst when you talked about her reaction to that particular line. My sister was sitting there with me reading it and she was like, "Omg. It's like a Lifetime movie condensed into a quick 2 minute read!" haha. But anyways, I don't know how any of us can fix this or make up for the last 4 1/2 years (or hell...the 19 years before that as well). I really don't. But I know that I for one will try to do whatever I can to make things better. In the meanwhile...I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really glad that she's got you. Thank you so much, Joyce. Merry Christmas.
PS~Why am I totally not surprised that Jesus and OSU have the same birthday?
-
10:59pm 12-25-2011Hayleigh~Yukon, OK
-
Hey there, Taylor! Sending you the warmest of Christmas wishes and prayers! I don't know you, nor do I have your phone number, so if your phone does end up in a river, I'm claiming immunity.
You have been and will always remain in my family's prayers. I hope that you were able to experience a little holiday & orange spirit. Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday OSU! 
Go Pokes!
-
9:17pm 12-25-2011Michelle
- woops, has**
-
9:17pm 12-25-2011Michelle
-
Ok. I'll say it here so to avoid her phone taking a swim...MERRY CHRISTMAS, TAYLOR! You have been on my mind all day and I pray that somehow, in the midst of all this chaos and anger, you'll be able to find even the teeniest glimmer of hope and peace. xoxo
(Oh AND Happy 121st Birthday, OSU!!! Old age had never looked so good)
-
7:54pm 12-25-2011Heather
- Ooooooookay then. Got it. I'll say it here instead incase she one day isn't pissed off anymore: Merry Christmas, T-Hiz. Thinking about you, missing you, and praying for you always. Even when you want nothing to do with me. xoxo
-
6:42pm 12-25-2011Bree
-
FYI--incase any of you are contemplating calling and/or texting Taylor to wish her a merry Christmas, talk to her, etc...don't. She doesn't want to hear from you. Or anyone. She doesn't give a fuck about Christmas. She doesn't want to talk about Christmas. She doesn't want to talk about anything. Not today, not tomorrow, not the next day, not a month from now, not a year from now. Never. And if she gets one more text or call from anyone about anything, she's going to toss her phone into the nearest body of water. She only opted to answer my call because she knows that I'm one of the few people that "has the balls" to actually relay the aforementioned message to our other friends (and those of you that just received the obnoxious mass text I sent out, can vouch for the fact that I did in fact do just that). But I figured I'd say something here as well should anyone ever find themselves wanting to contact her in any way, shape, or form.
Sooo yeah. There you have it. That blog about the "old Taylor" is very accurate. She's gone. I'd be pissed off or offended if it weren't for the fact that everything KT said below was completely true and that she wouldn't be in this miserable, hating-the-world state of mind if it weren't for all of us being too fucking selfish to ever simply ask her, "Hey Taylor, what do YOU want?" and to tell her that she doesn't have to put herself through this shit, rather than making her feel bad and guilty about what her cancer means for US. It's fucking ridiculous. ARGHHHHH.
Merry Christmas.
-
3:28pm 12-25-2011Jessica
- Merry Christmas, beautiful friend. Wish I had stayed in Nash. I'd totally be drinking wine with you right now and watching cheesy Hallmark movies. Miss you. XoXoXo
-
2:02pm 12-25-2011Beverly in PA
- Hugs and prayers from PA for Taylor and for Joyce too.
-
1:45pm 12-25-2011Gina-Tempe, AZ
-
Merry Christmas Taylor! Might I suggest a trip out here to Tempe on Jan. 2...? So excited for this town to turn orange. No better way to ring in the New Year! Speaking of which, check this out: http://newsok.com/article/3634759 The first classy thing a Sooner fan has ever done. You need to befriend that guy asap. Thinking about you and praying that your Christmas is both merry and bright...and orange. Blessings to you and GO POKES!
-
11:24am 12-25-2011Alexa
-
I really wish Katie's post wasn't so completely and utterly 100% spot on. Reading it was like a punch to the stomach. Sigh. Merry Christmas, T. xoxoxo
-
10:40am 12-25-2011Anna
-
Merry Christmas TayLo. Thinking about you tons, praying that you're able to enjoy the day, and missing you lots. xxoo
Ps-Dani, I completely forgot about that song. Between that and Katie's post, I cried off all my Christmas make up.
-
9:07am 12-25-2011Caroline
- Merry Christmas, TayTay. Hope you're able to have a good day. Xoxo
-
7:56am 12-25-2011Alex
- Merry Christmas, TayTay! Miss you. xoxo
-
7:01am 12-25-2011Gayle, VA
- Merriest of Christmases to you, Taylor. Praying for peace and love to surround you today.